When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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