remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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