What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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