I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
