Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
