He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
