she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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