When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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