Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
