Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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