I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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