"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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