I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
3pm strippers are depressing
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
