you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
