Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she pinky promised me she was 18
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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