just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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