No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
