I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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