pop tarts are not kleenex
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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