can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
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Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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