8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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