Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
