i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
