you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
