I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
