OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
