Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
