I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
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Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
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I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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