Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
