What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
