this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
