i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
