Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
