you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize