Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
