i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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