By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
