i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
