god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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