o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
