she was so not down for the gang bang
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
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I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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