Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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