the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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