My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
