Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
