a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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