If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
