Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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