you have to choose: penises or morals?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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