totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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