peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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