we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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