So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
