my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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