ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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