i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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