I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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