One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
