Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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