Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
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I'm determined to sit on that face.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick