There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I deserve this hangover.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
