I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
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i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
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I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.