omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
