I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
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The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
