I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize