i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
