Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
