I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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