fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
A bitchslap is in order.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
