You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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