oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
