Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
