maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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