Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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