So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
