he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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