Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
