I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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