Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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