In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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