That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
