do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
