god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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